I’ve got a problem. Well, I have MANY problems, but this one specifically is of my own doing, I suppose. (Like all my problems aren’t of my own doing?????)It seems I have a reputation. No, it isn’t one of being incredibly handsome. I wish that were the ‘problem’. 🤓
Apparently I’m an anti-social hermit that doesn’t like people, or at least doesn’t like to be around people.
Truth of the matter is that I’m an introvert. I need alone time to recharge. That’s all. Simple as that. No great mystery here! I’ve written about being an introvert before.
And let’s not forget, what I wrote about community as I was just hitting the road.
Hell, I even wrote about being alone, and what that does to me.
So, yeah, I’m not sure this reputation is deserved. And I’m pretty sure the people that truly know me, my ‘tribe’, understand what I am. And what I am not. At least I hope they do. 😬
I suppose I’ve got myself to blame about this reputation that I have. I like to joke that I don’t like people. That I love being alone. That sort of thing. For some reason, it’s become my schtick. And I suppose if you don’t know me, you’d take me for my word.
What do I expect? People cannot be inside my head. They don’t know what I’m really thinking. They are taking me at face value.
I really am not an anti-social hermit who doesn’t like people. I NEED people to survive and thrive. I also need my recharge time. Or do I?
Kelly was just telling me that as much as I claim to like to be alone, she’s noticed that whenever she and I part ways (as infrequently as that is), I end up making a beeline to a part of my tribe. In other words, I’m not taking advantage of times when I could truly be alone. Not very hermity of me, is it?
It was brought to my attention just today that someone I’ve never met before, had no contact with (that I recall) previously, has heard about how I like to be alone. No clue where this came from, especially since I am currently taking a break from social media. I guess I DO have a reputation for this.
Not gonna lie, this bothers me a bit. OK, maybe more than a bit. Maybe I had a moment. Yeah, it bothers me.
This is a problem I’ve created. What to do? What to do?
I guess I can start by not giving a fuck about what anybody else thinks. And I’m definitely working on that. But it’s more than that.
I suppose I should chill out on my schtick. Don’t plant a seed in someone’s mind, especially when it’s not really who I am. Why would I want to do that? Why have I been doing that? Gawd, I’ve got no idea. Well, maybe a few theories that I’ll keep to myself. Not ready to open that box right now.
Bottom line is that I’m just a man trying to figure his shit out. I’m not a special snowflake. I’m not the only one with this problem. I’m not the only one who has been dealt a hand that has a few cards you wish you could throw back. It’s called life. And I’m just doing the best I can to live it true to myself.
Have I made the wrong turn here and there? DEFINITELY! Still do. Wish I didn’t. But I do. As much as I try to learn from the things that I do, sometimes I feel like I’m banging my head against the wall, not learning that doing so tends to hurt.
I still feel alone at times. Still lost. Still trying to figure SO much out. And often feeling like I’m not making any headway.
Thankfully I have a travel partner that means the world to me and helps me keep my sanity. And puts up with with my (many) idiosyncrasies. Not sure how I’d be getting along if this wasn’t the case. Because I’m not sure that being alone suits me.
But ultimately it’s up to me to make my own peace with who I am. How I’m perceived. And what I want out of life.
Not such an easy task…