3-2-1

3 years ago today my wife’s suffering ended.

The memories of that day are still vivid. Crystal clear. 3 years later.

3 years. I’m sitting here attempting to reflect back on these 3 years and I’m having a hard time crystalizing what happened since that Father’s Day in 2013. I’ve done a lot. Seen a lot. Met a lot of great people. Experienced things most people will never experience (and I’m talking about the good things, not the bad). Yet much of it is a blur.

Don’t get me wrong. I have some very vivid memories of the past 3 years. Many, in fact. Good times. Sad times. Fortunately more awesomeness than sadness.

As cliché as it may sound, I’ve spent a lot of the past 3 years finding myself. Or rather, looking. As I’ve certainly got a long way to go.

I’m finding my footing. Figuring things out. Exploring the possibilities. Trying to figure out what is important to me and what I need to shed.

I also feel like I’ve done a lot of coasting in the past 3 years.

I worked at a job that wasn’t satisfying (quite the opposite, actually) for far too long.

I’ve had no definite plans for the future (though I’m coming to terms with this not being a bad thing).

I feel like I’ve done a lot of just existing. And I’m OK with that. It was necessary. I’ve had my fill of that for now and it’s time to change gears.

I’ve passed 2 years on the road. TWO YEARS! Already? That alone is hard for me to comprehend. In some ways it seems longer than 2 years. In some ways it seems like I’ve just started out. Life is funny that way. And I’m perfectly fine with that.

For the past 6 months I’ve slowed down and have been enjoying this new pace. Immensely. I no longer feel like I’m constantly in motion, which is a VERY nice change.

I quit my soul-sucking job and am taking the steps necessary to once again enjoy working. Something that’s been lacking for far too long.

I’ve stopped coasting. I’ve put things into gear. Into motion.

I’m thinking of the future, though I’m still embracing having Jello plans.

I’m still trying to figure many things out, but I feel like I’m in a better place today than I was in 2013. And that’s a good great thing.

I’m loving all the new friends and solid relationships I’ve been fortunate to have come into my life after embracing my new lifestyle.

This new life is one that came about under the worse of circumstances but is one that I’m accepting and loving to the fullest. That’s what life is all about. Taking your punches and coming out on the other end better and still upright.

3 years since my wife’s passing. 2 years on the road. 1 man trying to figure his shit out.

6 thoughts on “3-2-1

  1. Marshall,

    I truly admire you for being so open to the massive changes you have made in the past few years. You experienced a tremendous loss and you needed time to grieve. And that grief might have stalled a lesser man. But instead, you set our on a grand adventure which, as far as I can see, has made you an even better human being. Kudos for all of the work you have done to be in such a great place now despite the challenges and roadblocks that you have faced. And I look forward to what the future holds for you.

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    • Those are some very kind words, and much appreciated, Eva. I think back on the last 3-4 years and I don’t understand many things about the experience. I do know that one of the reasons that I’ve been able to get through these years is due to the incredible support I’ve received from both family and friends. I’m truly fortunate to be able to call such a great group of people my friends, including yourself. Thanks for being there for me over the years!

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  2. Nice work my friend. My long grieving process often seemed to me like I was in a tiny boat being blown around while trying to cross a huge lake. Sometimes I’d get within sight of shore, only to be blown back out into mist & clouds. But eventually I reached the shore, and it sounds like you have too. It’ll still rain on you from time to time, but it’s easier to take when you’re standing on solid ground. Xxoo

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    • I like that description. Sometimes I feel like I’ve reached shore. Other times I’m wondering WTH is going on and what direction to go. But that’s the case for people who aren’t grieving, so there is that. Thanks to you and Eric for being there. I’m very appreciative of your support! 😘

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  3. Don’t beat yourself up too much about the soul-sucking job. It did provide a purpose–a means of financial support while you embarked on a new leg of your life’s journey. You wouldn’t be where you are today, or had all those wonderful experiences, or met all those incredible people if it wasn’t for that job! It’s just time now to ditch that dead weight and move on. Change is inevitable! Love you, Cuz!

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