I’ve been doing contract work for the same company coming up on 4 years. When I started back in 2012 my wife and I had just relocated to Florida’s Gulf Coast and we were starting over in many ways (new area, new friends, new job). We were changing things up in our life after having been stagnant for far too many years. But that didn’t last long.
Before my first anniversary with the company, my wife had received her diagnosis, we moved to North Carolina to seek treatment, and then I found myself alone. The third anniversary of my wife’s passing is right around the corner and while much has changed, much has stayed the same.
I’m still a very emotional person, especially this past week. I’ve thought a lot about what happened starting in 2012. What the result was. Where it has brought me. What I have experienced in the past few years. And the emotions have been flowing.
Almost 2 years ago I wrote about how long the grieving process is supposed to last. I still don’t have an answer. Not sure I ever will. But I am living proof of one aspect of grieving – it’s ongoing. For me, it’s cyclical. I’ll have good stretches. I’ll have stretches where I think a lot about the last 3-4 years. I’m in one of the later stretches now.
Not sure if anything out of the ordinary brought along this latest stretch. It could be the upcoming 3 year anniversary of my wife’s passing. It could be the thought process leading up to my latest life event, which has brought up many emotions I’ve experienced over the past 4 years. It could be it’s just that time in the cycle.
So that brings me to my latest decision. My latest life event. This past weekend I gave my notice to the company I have been contracting with for almost 4 years. They have been a part of this whole experience. My work there has been the one stable piece of my life as I dealt with everything. As I grieved. As I transitioned into the nomadic lifestyle. As I tried to figure out this new life I found myself leading.
But it is time for me to move on. I don’t have another job lined up, but I do know what I’m going to do for income. I’m going back to my special kind of happy place. I’m going back in business for myself. Something that I have done in the past. Something that really made me happy. I’ll need to devote 100% of my time and my energy to this pursuit, so I gave notice.
I’ve been very successful in slowing down this year and that is going to be a huge help as I get my new venture up and running. I’m beyond excited but I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s strange. Strange that I’m ending something that has been a part of my life through these trying times. Strange to be making a decision that, while I know is the correct one for me to make, doesn’t come without the thought of “oh, shit, I have to make this work!” But that’s exciting. It’s all on me. And I like that!