I was composing an email today regarding taking time to myself when something popped into my mind. Something that I haven’t thought about for a long while. Something that caused me to stop and think. And tear up a bit.
I’ve never written about one of the things I did right after my wife passed away. I’ve been meaning to, but the time was never right. Until now.
Immediately after my wife passed away I went into grief counseling through the hospice that helped us those last days. She passed away on a Sunday and I was in group counseling that week. It just happened that a group session was starting immediately and the next one wasn’t going to start for a few months, so it was now or never. I was also involved in one-on-one counseling for a few months, until I moved back to Arizona.
All of this counseling helped me get my footing and I am grateful to the individuals that were there for me. But grieving is a very personal journey. One that I am still in the middle of. One that has no ending. One that is full of introspection. One that is full of highs and lows. Many interesting conversations are had with one’s self. Conversations that are ongoing for me.
The one thing in particular that bubbled up today had to do with something that I discussed with my grief counselor. We were discussing the idea of me pursuing the dream of being nomadic and the topic of running away came up. I don’t remember if I or the counselor brought it up, but we discussed if my adopting a nomadic lifestyle meant that I was running away from the grieving process. We agreed that if done right, a nomadic lifestyle could coexist with the grieving process. If done right.
It’s coming up on two years since I began the nomadic lifestyle. Much has happened in this time. It has exceeded my wildest expectations. But I question if I have taken the proper time to grieve. I’m not sure I have.
Tomorrow marks the start of a new period of my life. One where I concentrate on me. On Marshall. I’m at a place in my life where I am ready to address certain things that have been hanging over me. Certain things that have been left untouched. Neglected.
The time has come. This should be an interesting ride.