It has been brought to my attention by multiple people in the past couple of months that I haven’t been writing any introspective blog posts as of late. And this is entirely correct.
It’s been well over a year since I last wrote something personal. I think about this often. Why am I not sharing what is going on in my mind? Honestly, I don’t have a great answer for that.
The title of my blog is “Finding Marshall: Exploring Myself and the World”. I have been writing plenty about my explorations of places I visit, yet I haven’t touched on the “Exploring Myself” part for quite sometime. It’s not that I don’t constantly think about what I have been through. What I think about. How I am feeling. I just haven’t felt compelled to write my thoughts down.
Spending time with Kathy
A good part of the summer I was spending time with Kathy. What does this have with being introspective? A couple of things. For one, I was having a blast and wasn’t blogging (which is why I am months behind in my posting). Also, when I am with Kathy I am very much at peace. Don’t know how to describe it otherwise. And being at peace is very calming to my mind. It doesn’t mean I don’t think about things. It just means I react differently.
2 year anniversary
The 2 year anniversary of my wife’s passing happened during this quiet period. Specifically right after Kathy and I had departed Yellowstone and were spending a couple of days in eastern Idaho. I was VERY aware of the anniversary and was definitely felt it. I recall mentioning to Kathy why I was feeling a little weird that day. Understandably so.
I chose not to write about the second anniversary when it happened, unlike the first. This was a personal decision. One that I made for reasons that only I need to understand. And I am OK with that.
The lack of introspective posts doesn’t mean I don’t have emotions. Doesn’t mean I don’t think about what happened. I definitely do. Quite frequently. It doesn’t mean I have moved on. You never move on. You move forward.
The choices I make. The ways I grieve. The steps I take. These are all personal decisions. I only have to answer to myself regarding what I do.
I am in a very good place in my life. I am happy. Yet I still think about what I have been through. What I have experienced that makes me who I am. And yes, I am still introspective even if I haven’t been sharing more personal posts on my blog.