Looking Inward

It has been brought to my attention by multiple people in the past couple of months that I haven’t been writing any introspective blog posts as of late. And this is entirely correct.

It’s been well over a year since I last wrote something personal. I think about this often. Why am I not sharing what is going on in my mind? Honestly, I don’t have a great answer for that.

The title of my blog is “Finding Marshall: Exploring Myself and the World”. I have been writing plenty about my explorations of places I visit, yet I haven’t touched on the “Exploring Myself” part for quite sometime. It’s not that I don’t constantly think about what I have been through. What I think about. How I am feeling. I just haven’t felt compelled to write my thoughts down.

Spending time with Kathy

A good part of the summer I was spending time with Kathy. What does this have with being introspective? A couple of things. For one, I was having a blast and wasn’t blogging (which is why I am months behind in my posting). Also, when I am with Kathy I am very much at peace. Don’t know how to describe it otherwise. And being at peace is very calming to my mind. It doesn’t mean I don’t think about things. It just means I react differently.

2 year anniversary

The 2 year anniversary of my wife’s passing happened during this quiet period. Specifically right after Kathy and I had departed Yellowstone and were spending a couple of days in eastern Idaho. I was VERY aware of the anniversary and was definitely felt it. I recall mentioning to Kathy why I was feeling a little weird that day. Understandably so.

I chose not to write about the second anniversary when it happened, unlike the first. This was a personal decision. One that I made for reasons that only I need to understand. And I am OK with that.

The lack of introspective posts doesn’t mean I don’t have emotions. Doesn’t mean I don’t think about what happened. I definitely do. Quite frequently. It doesn’t mean I have moved on. You never move on. You move forward.

The choices I make. The ways I grieve. The steps I take. These are all personal decisions. I only have to answer to myself regarding what I do.

I am in a very good place in my life. I am happy. Yet I still think about what I have been through. What I have experienced that makes me who I am. And yes, I am still introspective even if I haven’t been sharing more personal posts on my blog.

2 thoughts on “Looking Inward

  1. This is a great “nutshell” entry. I am identifying in several ways parallel to my own current experiences. Introspection, grief, joy- none of it happens on a regular timeline. And processing is always going on, regardless of what else you’re doing. Sometimes the reality takes a bit to percolate up to the light. And sometimes it’s only for your own personal digestion.
    Moving forward is healthy and inevitable and Thank the Universe that joy and balance reintegrate themselves into our daily lives! Cheers.


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