One year ago today my wife passed away.
Wow! The very act of typing those words brings tears to my eyes and a heavy sadness that settles on my shoulders. There are days when I am numb to this truth and days when I accept this reality.
Honestly I don’t know if it has gotten easier over the past 12 months. I do know that I have found emotions that I have never experienced before. I also know that I have been adjusting to my new reality of being alone – being a party of one – which is very different than what I experienced for the previous almost two decades.
I also know that relationships are something that I look at very differently then I did one year ago, and that is a very good thing. I value the friends and family that I have and I look forward to meeting new people in my travels who may become an important part of my life, or may just be a part of one day.
I remember the events of June 16, 2013 with a certain clarity that I don’t remember most days with. I remember it starting off as not being the same as the previous few days – something was off. I remember being by my wife’s side as she took her last breath. I remember how wonderful her doctor and the hospice workers were. I remember going over the details with the funeral home employee, who also was wonderful. I remember saying my goodbyes. I remember her leaving our condo for the last time. I remember being in a numb state and somehow making the decisions that had to be made.
My life has changed forever and I am trying to make the best of it. I still grieve and I am learning how to move forward. But my life will never be the same. I am learning to savor the small moments and to not take anything for granted.
I am very excited about the path I have chosen to take. In one of the last conversations I had with my wife she told me to take care of myself should something happen to her. I am doing that in the best way that I know how. I think she would approve. I know she would approve.