Emotions

In the first 41 years of my life I was never a very emotional person. My wife was the opposite and would often times question my emotions, or lack thereof. I don’t know why I was never emotional. I suppose if I was to be analyzed, it would have something to do with my upbringing, blah, blah, blah. It really doesn’t matter to me now. All that matter is that things have changed…

Not sure what it is, but I am a very emotional person at times now, since my wife passed. Sometimes to the point of me wondering who in the hell this person is. I kind of like it. I have discovered the benefits of a good cry. There I said it. I cry. I am emotional. Deal with it.

Sometimes it doesn’t take much to set me off. Memories. Thoughts. Pictures. Things. They all can trigger a wave of emotion. Something that I am not used to. But something that I am coming to accept. Strange changes, but ones that I am embracing.

It is a shame that it took losing my wife for me to become this way. But I suspect I am not alone. We all deal with tragedies in our life differently. Grieve differently. Apparently this is one of the ways I grieve. I have become emotional.

Over the past months I have been going through my wife’s stuff. Old pictures. Old address books. Her computer. Her clothes. Her belongings. Everything. This has been a slow, yet fast, process. A very emotional process.

I will put off going through stuff because I know that I better have the tissues ready when I do. Of course moving into under 175 square feet has caused me to accelerate the process. Many widows/widowers take a very long time, years, to go through their spouse’s stuff. I had to do it much quicker as I downsized rapidly. But I have quite a bit of my wife’s stuff I brought along in my trailer. That I am going through as I muster up the energy to do so. It can be very draining. Who am I kidding? It IS very draining!

This last year has been rather interesting. Scratch that. The last 20 months – since my wife’s diagnosis – life changing. In more ways then I could have ever imagined. Becoming emotional is just one of the ways. There are so many more. Some of which I have yet to discover. This is a very interesting journey. To put it mildly.

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